You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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