East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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