She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
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