So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
