why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I need a burrito and a hug.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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