4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Randomize
