I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
