I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
