I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
