I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
