dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
