I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
