So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
