then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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