So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
