She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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