Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
