tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
