At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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