She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
