jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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