In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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