Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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