i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
