Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
