i think my tv is drunk
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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