so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
