The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
