The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
