my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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