Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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