So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
