Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
