did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
