i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
