Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize