im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
