Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
im on a boat
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