Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
