Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
