As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
