I feel great
I just peed on a car
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
