I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
