First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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