she was so not down for the gang bang
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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