I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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