her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.