We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship