Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
