oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life