I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell