then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
