took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
