Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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