I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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