i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
