Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
