Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
