Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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