it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
