I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
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making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
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We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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