roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
