ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
