the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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