Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
