I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
