omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
