I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
