FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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