Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
no, he came in my armpit
false alarm. still invincible.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
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He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
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Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize