I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
