for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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