About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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