Plan B is the new Plan A
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
