Is it normal to miss your booty call?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
