he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
