My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just want nice things and good sex
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
