I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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