i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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