now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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