So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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