hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
In other news, I just burned my penis
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
