If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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