I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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