But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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