Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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