his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
