his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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