my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
