We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
