moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Randomize
